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Your Marriage Needs the Gospel…

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Great post here on how the Gospel is what we need:

Only the gospel will usher us past the hatred and confusion to this truth. Only the cross will appear as the real solution to such deep confusion and sin. It tells the adulterer what’s truly wrong and the broken spouse how forgiveness is even possible. Every other wisdom stops short of it and fumbles around with symptoms lying around on the surface. Grace makes a family out of a disaster.

You see when you are tempted to be a selfish person in marriage, the Gospel speaks something loud and different and, in the midst of that, gives hope. Hoping you’ll run there for all your marital needs…

Links Related to Parentingology

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I was helped by each of these links recently when JT linked to them:

  1. Technology no longer has boundaries
  2. Know when to cut it off
  3. The difference between preference and addiction
  4. Focus on technology that truly connects us to our kids
  5. Model the balance
Reb Bradley, Homeschool Blindspots
  1. Having Self-Centered Dreams
  2. Raising Family as an Idol
  3. Emphasizing Outward Form
  4. Tending to Judge
  5. Depending on Formulas
  6. Over-Dependence on Authority and Control
  7. Over-Reliance Upon Sheltering
  8. Not Passing On a Pure Faith
  9. Not Cultivating a Loving Relationship With Our Children
Quoting Bryan Caplan: “Secondhand stress is one of kids’ leading grievances.”

Fight With the Gospel…

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Having talked TGINL, and seen the Gospel enemies of self-righteousness, persistent guilt and self-reliance, I thought I’d wrap up this short series with a call to fight with the Gospel.  Again, I’m leaning on Jerry Bridges.  After urging us to begin our day by preaching the Gospel to ourselves, he urges us to add a Daily Declaration of Dependence:

  • I recognize my absolute lack of power and ability.
  • I redirect my dependence to the supremely reliable power of the Holy Spirit.
  • I reject my tendency to self-reliance: “You are God, and I am not.”

And Bridges continues:

With our dependence on the righteousness of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit renewed we proclaim to God, “We are your servants.” We work hard in the strength He provides, not to earn merit but to glorify and enjoy Him.

That really is what life is all about. Today, will you declare your dependence on God through His Gospel and in so doing set your feet on a path to glorify and enjoy Him, forever?

Marriage is About Time, Love and Tenderness…

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Yes, Michael Bolton sang a song, “Time, Love and Tenderness”, No, that’s not necessarily what I’m talking about…

However, what I am talking about as I try to say something encouraging to married peeps is this…

Your marriage takes time. If you’re a newlywed, you need time to deepen in your relationship with this person you now live with. If you’re blessed with children, your marriage will start to be a time of juggling all the demands of the children and still prioritizing the primary relationship you have with your spouse. And, in my case, with a child in school now, I’m finding I need to do much better in strategizing to have time with my wife. Marriage takes time. I know you who have been married for a longer time would testify that time spent together is time well spent.

Marriage is also about love. Remember what the Bible presses upon us, especially in the LOVE chapter (said in Barry White’s voice), is that love is not so much what we say as much as how we live. Many people claim to love their spouse but then, through their actions say exactly the opposite. Jesus said that great love was laying down your life for your friends. Love means dying to selfish desire. And it is in this thinking of the other person above yourself that love thrives and grows.

Marriage is also about tenderness, meaning that we act towards our spouse in ways that are appropriate for the moment. I picture tenderness as carefully engaging my spouse in ways that are appropriate for the moment. I don’t neglect what kind of day she’s had. I don’t ignore what she needs. I try not to be blind to what she needs. Tenderness means that my heart of compassion is for her.

So, today, think of ways that you can take time, express love and be tender towards your spouse. It just might change your married life.

Gospel Enemy: Self-Reliance…

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For the past few weeks, we’ve looked at what TGINL is, and sought to seek out whether or not we are guilty of Gospel Enemy 1, Self-Righteousness, and Gospel Enemy 2, Persistent Guilt.  Today, I want to help you flee a huge Gospel enemy, Self-Reliance.  Again, I’m leaning on Jerry Bridges work:

Self-reliance toward God is a dependence on our own power, not the power of the Holy Spirit.

Here’s some questions to expose this:

How many times in the past twenty-four hours have we done anything with conscious dependence on the power of the Holy Spirit? How many of our job issues, family matters, leisure pursuits, daily routines, or even our spiritual disciplines have we conducted with an attitude of self-reliance, not God-reliance?

If this is true for you, repent of your self-reliance and choose to lean on God for everything. This will help you see the beauty of the Gospel and rest in all that God has done, freeing you from yourself.

Some Good Questions for You And Your Spouse

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A few years back I found these questions by Merrit Anderson and applied them for fruitful communication in the home:

Here are a few potential grace-directing questions that you can ask yourself and your spouse when the temptation to stay sin-focused wants to linger around for too long:

What does the good news of the gospel have to say about your sin or trial? About the result and effects of Christ’s sacrifice for your sin? (Rom 5:6-8; 8:1)

What does the gospel seek to remind you about God’s plans for you? (Rom 8:28-29; Phil 1:6)

What does the gospel seek to tell us about practical help for right now so that change is possible? (Rom 6:22; Heb 4:15-16)

Questions like these are helpful in at least two ways:

First, these questions are good for encouraging your spouse to see and live in the mercy and grace of the gospel.

Second, these questions can provide clear indicators of where you can care for your spouse, if he or she is struggling to live in the good of the gospel.

The challenge for us is to not stay sin-focused.  The reality is that we will sin against one another.  We won’t be perfect.  We will always be progressing to do better.  By allowing the grace of the Gospel to flavor our lives with the nourishing streams of forgiveness, we will fight bitter spirits and wicked tempers and, in the end, foster community in the home that is centered in Christ: who He is and what He’s done for us.  I hope you are encouraged to live in this way.

Gospel Enemy: Persistent Guilt

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For the past few weeks, on Fridays, I’ve posted something related to the Gospel.  2 weeks ago, I wrote on the TGINL (Thank God I’m Not Like) phenomenon that can easily sweep into our souls.  Last week, we looked at questions to see self-righteousness, since it is a Gospel-enemy.

Today, I again want to direct your attention to some questions, this time looking at what Jerry Bridges calls Persistent Guilt.  Here are the questions that help diagnose this:

1) Are you painfully preoccupied with a particular habitual sin? 2) Are you discouraged or depressed by your failure to measure up? 3) Do you frequently experience anxiety that something’s about to go wrong? 4) Does it appear God can use others but not you? 5) Is there something in your past you just can’t seem to get over? 6) Do you fear that your past will come back to haunt you? 7) Do your difficult circumstances seem like God’s judgment for your sin? 8) Do you steer clear of intimate relationships or small-group discussion? 9) When you sin, do you get a vague sense that somehow there’ll be a price to pay? 10) Do you seldom think of the cross. (from pp.56-57)

And, then, Bridges masterfully turns us to cross:

Only the life and death of Christ offers a legitimate path to freedom from a guilty conscience–legitimate because it was a real, lived-in-the-flesh, finished righteousness, applied to us, forever.

If you sense guilt may be nagging you, look to Jesus. As the song says, “When Satan tempts me to despair, and tells me of the guilt within, upward and look and see Him there, who made an end of the all my sin. Because the sinless Savior died, my sinful soul is counted free, for God the just is satisfied, to look on Him and pardon me.” Look to Jesus and know freedom from persistent guilt.

Assessing the Damage

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It’s sad to admit, but for many, marriage includes a lot of damage from the past.  A recent statement released spoke of the damage that happens in marriages because of sin.  Here’s the summary:

The Fall introduced distortions inot the relationships between men and women. – In the home, the husband’s loving, humble headship tends to be replaced by domination or passivity; the wife’s intelligent, willing submission tends to be replaced by usurpation or servility. – In the church, sin inclines men toward a worldly love of power or an abdication of spiritual responsibility, and inclines women to resist limitations on their roles or to neglect the use of their gifts in appropriate ministries.

Therefore, today, won’t you ask God to change your heart through the amazing message of the Gospel.  It’s there that you can find hurt for your past that affects your present and future.

Professor Or Example?

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I love reading the prayers found in the Valley of Vision.  Yesterday, in a prayer “Living For Jesus” I read this line and was struck:

Make me…to be not only a professor but an example of the Gospel…
displaying in every relation, office, and condition its excellency, loveliness, and advantages.

Now, many of us (who profess Christ) have no problem doing this on Sundays. We gather with other believers and come to church, putting on a rather good show as to how spiritually impressive we really are.

But, are we examples of the Gospel in our lives?  Surely this is the true evidence of whether or not we have been gripped by the Gospel.  For instance, in your marriage, are you an example of the Gospel?  No matter what difficulty you face, no matter how hard things are with the kids, no matter what things pull at you, does the Gospel get a hearing in your life together?  Or are you a mere professor?  Think of this: is the Gospel on display in your life in every relation (spouse, children, coworkers, In-Laws!), in every office (every responsibility you have), every condition (this about covers the rest of it)?  Do each of these places allow you to show the excellency, loveliness and advantage of the Gospel?

The convicting thought I had in reading this was that often I am a mere professor and not an example.  Oh, for grace from God to be one who not only believes the Gospel, but lives it out.