From One Degree to Another

Phil Auxier's Blog

Connect

Your Marriage Needs the Gospel…

by

Great post here on how the Gospel is what we need:

Only the gospel will usher us past the hatred and confusion to this truth. Only the cross will appear as the real solution to such deep confusion and sin. It tells the adulterer what’s truly wrong and the broken spouse how forgiveness is even possible. Every other wisdom stops short of it and fumbles around with symptoms lying around on the surface. Grace makes a family out of a disaster.

You see when you are tempted to be a selfish person in marriage, the Gospel speaks something loud and different and, in the midst of that, gives hope. Hoping you’ll run there for all your marital needs…

Marriage is Important and Good…

by

Here’s a couple of marriage links… First off, Trevin Wax highlights an article on the Marginalization of Marriage in Middle America:

At the collective level, the retreat from marriage has played a noteworthy role in fueling the growth in family income inequality and child poverty that has beset the nation since the 1970s. For all these reasons, then, the institution of marriage has been an important pillar of the American Dream, and the erosion of marriage in Middle America is one reason the dream is increasingly out of reach for men, women, and children from moderately-educated homes.

So…marriage is important to the fabric of society. Another great link I came across yesterday was a video Justin Taylor linked to on the good gift of marriage. Watch and be blessed. Today, I don’t know the state of your marriage or your marital status. Whatever the case, though, know that marriage is important to society and it also is a huge blessing from the Lord. May you walk in this blessing.

Marriage is About Time, Love and Tenderness…

by

Yes, Michael Bolton sang a song, “Time, Love and Tenderness”, No, that’s not necessarily what I’m talking about…

However, what I am talking about as I try to say something encouraging to married peeps is this…

Your marriage takes time. If you’re a newlywed, you need time to deepen in your relationship with this person you now live with. If you’re blessed with children, your marriage will start to be a time of juggling all the demands of the children and still prioritizing the primary relationship you have with your spouse. And, in my case, with a child in school now, I’m finding I need to do much better in strategizing to have time with my wife. Marriage takes time. I know you who have been married for a longer time would testify that time spent together is time well spent.

Marriage is also about love. Remember what the Bible presses upon us, especially in the LOVE chapter (said in Barry White’s voice), is that love is not so much what we say as much as how we live. Many people claim to love their spouse but then, through their actions say exactly the opposite. Jesus said that great love was laying down your life for your friends. Love means dying to selfish desire. And it is in this thinking of the other person above yourself that love thrives and grows.

Marriage is also about tenderness, meaning that we act towards our spouse in ways that are appropriate for the moment. I picture tenderness as carefully engaging my spouse in ways that are appropriate for the moment. I don’t neglect what kind of day she’s had. I don’t ignore what she needs. I try not to be blind to what she needs. Tenderness means that my heart of compassion is for her.

So, today, think of ways that you can take time, express love and be tender towards your spouse. It just might change your married life.

Some Good Questions for You And Your Spouse

by

A few years back I found these questions by Merrit Anderson and applied them for fruitful communication in the home:

Here are a few potential grace-directing questions that you can ask yourself and your spouse when the temptation to stay sin-focused wants to linger around for too long:

What does the good news of the gospel have to say about your sin or trial? About the result and effects of Christ’s sacrifice for your sin? (Rom 5:6-8; 8:1)

What does the gospel seek to remind you about God’s plans for you? (Rom 8:28-29; Phil 1:6)

What does the gospel seek to tell us about practical help for right now so that change is possible? (Rom 6:22; Heb 4:15-16)

Questions like these are helpful in at least two ways:

First, these questions are good for encouraging your spouse to see and live in the mercy and grace of the gospel.

Second, these questions can provide clear indicators of where you can care for your spouse, if he or she is struggling to live in the good of the gospel.

The challenge for us is to not stay sin-focused.  The reality is that we will sin against one another.  We won’t be perfect.  We will always be progressing to do better.  By allowing the grace of the Gospel to flavor our lives with the nourishing streams of forgiveness, we will fight bitter spirits and wicked tempers and, in the end, foster community in the home that is centered in Christ: who He is and what He’s done for us.  I hope you are encouraged to live in this way.

Assessing the Damage

by

It’s sad to admit, but for many, marriage includes a lot of damage from the past.  A recent statement released spoke of the damage that happens in marriages because of sin.  Here’s the summary:

The Fall introduced distortions inot the relationships between men and women. – In the home, the husband’s loving, humble headship tends to be replaced by domination or passivity; the wife’s intelligent, willing submission tends to be replaced by usurpation or servility. – In the church, sin inclines men toward a worldly love of power or an abdication of spiritual responsibility, and inclines women to resist limitations on their roles or to neglect the use of their gifts in appropriate ministries.

Therefore, today, won’t you ask God to change your heart through the amazing message of the Gospel.  It’s there that you can find hurt for your past that affects your present and future.

Marriage – Don’t Waste It!

by

From a post I wrote earlier:

There are countless couples who effectively waste their marriages. They forget the purpose for which God has brought them together or they minimize that purpose to things that are less than ultimate. Maybe they think that God has brought them together simply to procreate and raise children. While this might be something entrusted by God to married couples, it doesn’t point to ultimate reality. When God created marriage in Genesis 2, there was something He was addressing in man and that was a need for companionship. Marriage is a unique relationship. It isn’t merely just having a life partner to keep you from being lonely. But Scripture also highlights marriage as being a covenant. Marriage is almost a new creation in which 2 individuals are formed into 1 unit. In marriage, God has brought you together with your spouse so that His glory can more effectively be displayed to the world than you could accomplish on your own. At the core of a marriage, then, is this “oneness” that exists. No longer are 2 individuals striving for their space or seeking to serve self. In marriage, God has brought those 2 individuals together as one. In marriage you die to self and come together to something greater. We forfeit this idea, then, when we devote marriage to my time and doing what I need to do. When we have a selfish focus like this, we might be tottering on the brink of wasting our marriages. Therefore, before you waste it, spend time reviewing your marriage and its ULTIMATE purpose. God has brought you together with a spouse so that His glory is seen through you. Glorify and enjoy God, then, together…forever.

Are you conducting yourself in marriage with this perspective?

Bitterness: A Marriage Killer…

by

We all know that the Scriptures tell us to be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God in Christ has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32).  But, as I noticed in a book on bitterness, bitterness can keep us from walking in this way.  Specifically, bitterness remembers details.

How can we tell if we are bitter?
One good rule of thumb is this: bitterness remembers details. You have had thousands of conversations in your life, most of which you have forgotten. But this one took place five years ago, and you remember every single word, his intention, and the inflection of every part of his voice. You know exactly what happened–which means you are bitter.

In contrast to this, Scripture tells us to get rid of all bitterness. Is there any bitterness you need to turn away from today? Don’t let the canker of bitterness sour you! Kill it, by the power of the Gospel, and walk in victory.

Professor Or Example?

by

I love reading the prayers found in the Valley of Vision.  Yesterday, in a prayer “Living For Jesus” I read this line and was struck:

Make me…to be not only a professor but an example of the Gospel…
displaying in every relation, office, and condition its excellency, loveliness, and advantages.

Now, many of us (who profess Christ) have no problem doing this on Sundays. We gather with other believers and come to church, putting on a rather good show as to how spiritually impressive we really are.

But, are we examples of the Gospel in our lives?  Surely this is the true evidence of whether or not we have been gripped by the Gospel.  For instance, in your marriage, are you an example of the Gospel?  No matter what difficulty you face, no matter how hard things are with the kids, no matter what things pull at you, does the Gospel get a hearing in your life together?  Or are you a mere professor?  Think of this: is the Gospel on display in your life in every relation (spouse, children, coworkers, In-Laws!), in every office (every responsibility you have), every condition (this about covers the rest of it)?  Do each of these places allow you to show the excellency, loveliness and advantage of the Gospel?

The convicting thought I had in reading this was that often I am a mere professor and not an example.  Oh, for grace from God to be one who not only believes the Gospel, but lives it out.

Helpful Links – Week of 7/17/11

by

Here are some helpful things I saw on the web this week:

The Resurgence had a good word for wives, as well as some moving reflections of a parent to a blind child.

Someone in church recommended I read Dr. Gangemi’s site and I’ve found the articles fairly helpful in terms of diet, health and that glorifying God in one’s body piece.

And, evidently owling is the new planking.  As Jared Wilson said, this is proof that we are officially bored to death.

Thoughts on Affirmation in Marriage…

by

…from Sam Crabtree, ala the Biblical Counseling Coalition blog:

BCC: “What does affirmation practically look like in a marriage? Parenting?”

SC: “Spot any aspect of Christlikeness in your family member—honesty, patience, diligence, creativity, endurance, faithfulness (there are easily dozens of such commendable qualities)—and then say something like, ‘God is developing the beautiful quality of (hospitality, generosity, orderliness, etc.) in you. I want to be like you as you are becoming like God in that way.’ It’s that simple. But such brief conversations inject immeasurable freshness and encouragement into relationships, while God gets praised for being the Source of such good things.”

So…are you using your words to draw attention to Christ in your family? Good thought, indeed.