In his book Brothers, We Are Not Professionals, John Piper urges pastors to love their wives. Included in this chapter is a poem written for his son Karsten when he was married. This line stuck out:
A double rule of love that shocks;
A doctrine in a paradox:
If you now aim your wife to bless,
Then love her more and love her less.
What is Piper getting at with these seemingly bizarre words? He is giving us some great, God-centered encouragement for how love for our spouses can be nurtured.
I would say at the outset here, that men, we are to take the lead in this. Our cue in loving our wives comes from Christ and the self-sacrificing, devoted love He displayed for His bride, the church. Men this is especially true of us.
Women, you aren’t exempt either. The teaching that accords with sound doctrine in Titus 2:1 involves training women to love their husbands. There are women who have misunderstandingly tried to appropriate their role as being submissive and respectful, but not loving. This isn’t a Scriptural notion. Women, nurture love for your husband.
Now, back to Piper, how does this happen.
1) It means loving your spouse more than you love yourself. You to put him or her above your own selfish desires. This is the essence of what love is in 1 Corinthians 13. If you want to have love for your spouse that is good and healthy, you have to die to the selfish things you want.
2) It means loving your spouse less than you love Jesus Christ. Don’t idolize your spouse. Don’t break the second commandment and put them above Jesus. Love Jesus supremely and the overflow of that love be a heartfelt, passionate love for your spouse.
So, as Piper would say, we confess and agree…
If you now aim your wife to bless,
Then lover her more and love her less.