As we think today, again, about our marriages, I have been reminded this weekend about my heart and the way it plays with my emotions and physical well-being. The heart responds to conflict (whether “good” or “bad” conflict) by interpreting the circumstances and reacting according. In their book, How People Change, Paul Tripp and Timothy Lane describe this stage as thorns or how do you react?/what do you want and believe? In commenting on this, they write:
You and I are never passive. We always respond to the Heat (or Rain) in our lives. Maybe it’s a tough boss or a crazy extended family, a rebellious child or a chronic sickness. Maybe it’s a new career opportunity or a newly acquired inheritance. Whatever it is; the Bible helps us see how we react to the Heat in our hearts and our outward behavior. It reminds us that sinners respond to the fallen world sinfully, and each reaction yields a harvest of consequences.
Thorns are about the Biblical category of “fleshly wisdom,” those foolish responses that come all too naturally to us when hard things happen. Someone speaks unkindly to us, so we let our bitterness grow. Something unexpected happens and we respond by denying, avoiding, blaming, or seeking to take control. Negative things come our way and we allow ourselves to doubt God and let our participation in worship and ministry wane. We are blessed with unexpected money and we spend it on ourselves. We don’t get the raise we thought we deserve, so we work halfheartedly.
Scripture makes it clear thse responses are not forced upon us by the pressures of the situation. What I do comes from inside me. The things that happen to me will influence my responses but never determine them. Rather, these responses flow out of the thoughts and motives of my heart. This is why you can have five people in the same situation with five different responses!
There is so much wisdom in these words. Our hearts are revealed in how we respond and handle difficult situations. In marriage then (or any interpersonal relationship for that matter) we need to be concerned about our own hearts and how events coming our way are being interpreted and actions are happening accordingly. Our hearts are at the center of this. Labor to have a heart, then, that glorifies God.