For the next few weeks on Mondays, as part of my Marriage Monday segment, I am going to be addressing the subject of conflict. For many of my posts, I will be quoting from Ken Sande’s excellent book, The Peacemaker. Ken serves in a ministry called Peacemaker Ministries. This ministry also blogs at the Route 5:9 Blog.
In introducing us to the subject of peacemaking, Ken writes:
This book is designed to help you become this kind of peacemaker. It provides a simple yet comprehensive approach to resovling conflict. Because this approach is based solidly on God’s Word, it is effective in every type of conflict. It has been used not only to resolve the normal differences of daily life, but also to stop divorces, prevent church splits, and settle multimillion dollar lawsuits. This approach to resolving conflict may be summarized in four basic principles, which I refer to as the “Four G’s.”
Glorify God (1 Cor. 10:31). Biblical peacemaking is motivated and guided by a deep desire to bring honor to God by revealing the reconciling love and power of Jesus Christ. As we draw on His grace, follow His example, and put His teachings into practice, we can find freedom from the impulsive, self-centered decisions that make conflict worse, and bring praise to God by displaying the power of the Gospel in our lives.
Get the log out of your eye (Matt. 7:5). Attacking others only invites counterattacks. This is why Jesus teaches us to face up to our own contributions to a conflict before we focus on what others have done. When we overlook others’ minor offenses and honestly admit our own faults, our opponents will often respond in kind. As tensions decrease, the way may be opened for sincere discussion, negotiation, and reconciliation.
Gently restore (Gal. 6:1). When others fail to see their contributions to a conflict, we sometimes need to graciously show them their fault. If they refuse to respond appropriately, Jesus calls us to involve respected friends, church leaders, or other objective individuals who can help us encourage repentance and restore peace.
Go and be reconciled(Matt. 5:24). Finally, peacemaking involves a commitment to restoring damaged relationships and negotiating just agreements. When we forgive others as Jesus has forgiven us and seek solutions that satisfy others’ interests as well as our own, the debris of conflict is cleared away and the door is opened for genuine peace.
Isn’t this material already a breath of fresh air for what many of us experience in conflict or disagreement. Someone upsets us, so we feel like it is our God-given right to let them know why we are upset. Here, we are given an orientation that is explicitly God-centered and suspicious of our own selfish hearts. We may feel compelled to go to someone, but do we do that gently. And finally, what is needed to achieve reconciliation. I can honestly see that I have both failed to give correction in a way that was motivated by the glory of God and suspicious of my own heart. I have failed to do this gently. And I haven’t worked out good reconciliation. Therefore, I need reminded of this material. I hope in these coming weeks, it will be helpful to you as well.