Here’s is a follow up article to Part 1 of my Conflict Marriage Monday series. The article is entitled, “Conflict an Opportunity? I Hate Conflict!” This article, by Ted Kober, highlights how the 4 G’s can make all the difference in the world in resolving conflict. Plus, I think many of us don’t view conflict as a way of growing in our sanctification. We view it as sin spiraling out of control. God has bigger plans for your conflicts, though. Check out this article.

For the next few weeks on Mondays, as part of my Marriage Monday segment, I am going to be addressing the subject of conflict. For many of my posts, I will be quoting from Ken Sande’s excellent book, The Peacemaker. Ken serves in a ministry called Peacemaker Ministries. This ministry also blogs at the Route 5:9 Blog.

In introducing us to the subject of peacemaking, Ken writes:

This book is designed to help you become this kind of peacemaker. It provides a simple yet comprehensive approach to resovling conflict. Because this approach is based solidly on God’s Word, it is effective in every type of conflict. It has been used not only to resolve the normal differences of daily life, but also to stop divorces, prevent church splits, and settle multimillion dollar lawsuits. This approach to resolving conflict may be summarized in four basic principles, which I refer to as the “Four G’s.”

Glorify God (1 Cor. 10:31). Biblical peacemaking is motivated and guided by a deep desire to bring honor to God by revealing the reconciling love and power of Jesus Christ. As we draw on His grace, follow His example, and put His teachings into practice, we can find freedom from the impulsive, self-centered decisions that make conflict worse, and bring praise to God by displaying the power of the Gospel in our lives.

Get the log out of your eye (Matt. 7:5). Attacking others only invites counterattacks. This is why Jesus teaches us to face up to our own contributions to a conflict before we focus on what others have done. When we overlook others’ minor offenses and honestly admit our own faults, our opponents will often respond in kind. As tensions decrease, the way may be opened for sincere discussion, negotiation, and reconciliation.

Gently restore (Gal. 6:1). When others fail to see their contributions to a conflict, we sometimes need to graciously show them their fault. If they refuse to respond appropriately, Jesus calls us to involve respected friends, church leaders, or other objective individuals who can help us encourage repentance and restore peace.

Go and be reconciled(Matt. 5:24). Finally, peacemaking involves a commitment to restoring damaged relationships and negotiating just agreements. When we forgive others as Jesus has forgiven us and seek solutions that satisfy others’ interests as well as our own, the debris of conflict is cleared away and the door is opened for genuine peace.

Isn’t this material already a breath of fresh air for what many of us experience in conflict or disagreement. Someone upsets us, so we feel like it is our God-given right to let them know why we are upset. Here, we are given an orientation that is explicitly God-centered and suspicious of our own selfish hearts. We may feel compelled to go to someone, but do we do that gently. And finally, what is needed to achieve reconciliation. I can honestly see that I have both failed to give correction in a way that was motivated by the glory of God and suspicious of my own heart. I have failed to do this gently. And I haven’t worked out good reconciliation. Therefore, I need reminded of this material. I hope in these coming weeks, it will be helpful to you as well.

In case you haven’t seen it, there is also this video of Tim Keller recently speaking at Google. In it, Keller explains much of his new book and fields some Q & A time.

USA Today has an article asking, “Has the ‘notion of sin’ been lost?” Among those weighing in are: the Pope, Al Mohler, Joel Osteen, Michael Horton, Mark Driscoll and Tim Keller. Check it out.

(HT: JT)

God has been so gracious to turn the light on in my soul spiritually today. I was stirred by Lloyd-Jones chapter “The Mortification of Sin” in Studies in the Sermon on the Mount. It is so easy to just coast spiritually. What I mean by that is that we settle into the groove that discipline can so easily create. I am reading the Bible, praying and doing good reading and sermon work, but my heart isn’t necessarily engaged into the deep, holy, heart-stirring truth I am encountering. Lloyd-Jones urges a vigilance, a fight with this kind of thinking.

I was also hearing the audio I recommended yesterday and how C.J., Jeff, and Josh were speaking of the pastor’s care for his soul. C.J. came right out and said that the best way we as pastors can lead and care for the flocks entrusted to us is by keeping our hearts with all diligence. We have to guard our hearts against both sin and weak affections. I was really encouraged, for instance, to be more diligent in prayer. I go through so much of my ministerial day just coasting. I am not casting my cares on God. I am seeking to solve problems and diagnose heart problems with my own finite understanding. When I do this, I am forgetting that I am an undershepherd under THE SHEPHERD. Again, C.J. said it is only on HIS shoulders that the government rests. I wasn’t called to shoulder the burden primarily. I was called to take burdens and cast them on the Lord. I do have a role, but must keep it in its proper perspective.

The cumulative effect of these things in my life today is much spiritual encouragement. I feel the fire returning deep within. (I have also been able to catch up on sleep after an tremendously busy season.) I am thankful to God for His grace and wanted to encourage those of you who might go through seasons like this (because we all do). God hasn’t abandoned you. Receive the struggle He is allowing in your life as a means of grace to draw you back to Him. You’ll find Him there waiting to bring the prodigal home.

Just finished Tim Keller’s Reason for God today. I thought it was a very helpful piece and really gets to the heart of some presuppositions that we have all brought to the table at times when we doubt or don’t completely understand the claims of Christianity. This is the real strength of Keller’s work. He seems to know the pulse and questions that those who distrust certain elements of Christianity find difficult. I would commend the book as one worthy of attention.

We’ve been given some teasers (here and here) about the release of this. Now, it is finally available for download. This interview’s theme is “The Pastor and His Soul” and is going to be well worthy your time.

If you want something to whet your appetite for this Sunday, my good friend, Brad Russell, recommends checking out Piper’s 8 Reasons Why I Believe That Jesus Rose From the Dead.

As we think today, again, about our marriages, I have been reminded this weekend about my heart and the way it plays with my emotions and physical well-being. The heart responds to conflict (whether “good” or “bad” conflict) by interpreting the circumstances and reacting according. In their book, How People Change, Paul Tripp and Timothy Lane describe this stage as thorns or how do you react?/what do you want and believe? In commenting on this, they write:

You and I are never passive. We always respond to the Heat (or Rain) in our lives. Maybe it’s a tough boss or a crazy extended family, a rebellious child or a chronic sickness. Maybe it’s a new career opportunity or a newly acquired inheritance. Whatever it is; the Bible helps us see how we react to the Heat in our hearts and our outward behavior. It reminds us that sinners respond to the fallen world sinfully, and each reaction yields a harvest of consequences.

Thorns are about the Biblical category of “fleshly wisdom,” those foolish responses that come all too naturally to us when hard things happen. Someone speaks unkindly to us, so we let our bitterness grow. Something unexpected happens and we respond by denying, avoiding, blaming, or seeking to take control. Negative things come our way and we allow ourselves to doubt God and let our participation in worship and ministry wane. We are blessed with unexpected money and we spend it on ourselves. We don’t get the raise we thought we deserve, so we work halfheartedly.

Scripture makes it clear thse responses are not forced upon us by the pressures of the situation. What I do comes from inside me. The things that happen to me will influence my responses but never determine them. Rather, these responses flow out of the thoughts and motives of my heart. This is why you can have five people in the same situation with five different responses!

There is so much wisdom in these words. Our hearts are revealed in how we respond and handle difficult situations. In marriage then (or any interpersonal relationship for that matter) we need to be concerned about our own hearts and how events coming our way are being interpreted and actions are happening accordingly. Our hearts are at the center of this. Labor to have a heart, then, that glorifies God.

A recent article by Rich Richardson at the NA Blog asks some great questions about the Gospel’s influence into the everyday facets of life. It’s entitled Gospel & Ministry.

(HT: Thabiti)